>:| That's how I feel right now.
Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. I don't even know.
For the past couple days, I've been going so fucking insane. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.
Two of my good friends have been fighting a lot. Well, it's been over a couple months I guess. They've been fighting forever, and I'm always stuck in the fucking middle because they're both my friends. For fuck's sake, they were arguing at my birthday dinner. I was so fucking tired of it, but I'm going to be there, of course, because they're my friends, and I want to be able to help them when they need it.
Recently they just broke up, and now they're both on me about each other. They're fucking taking out their anger on me. And I'm not going to argue, because I understand that they're frustrated and all, and that they can't control it so much, but it's still killing me. Fuck, I went out and drank for the first time in over a month because I couldn't stand it anymore. It's so much fucking pressure. I won't tell them about it, of course. I'll still be their friend. But this is getting old.
Alright. So apart from them, I think I've been descending back into depression. I get so worked up about everything now. It's rather annoying. I no longer listen to my parents' rules because I don't even care what they do to me anymore. I haven't been taking Lexapro for probably two to three months now.
Alex and I have been arguing a lot. Maybe we shouldn't get the apartment together after all. Maybe we won't be able to stand each other. I'm worried. I don't know if it's him, or my depression, or maybe a mixture of both, but I'm getting really fucked up about it now. We argue almost everyday now. I hate it. I hate fighting. And it always eventually ends with him saying he fucked up. He was wrong. He's stupid, idiotic, etc. And that I'm right. And I'm starting to think that he's only saying that to end the fight. Because then I get all fucking sad that I was mean to him and blah blah. You know. :/ I just don't know anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment